Friday Night Thrills

Here's my first attempt at writing, directing and editing a short horror film for the first time since university. It was for the Raindance Film Festival and it was a fun experience. I filmed it using my iPhone and edited it on Final Cut Pro X.


Times have changed since school when I had to use analogue editing equipment to edit violent scenes together from Pulp Fiction, Die Hard, Reservoir Dogs, Carlito's Way, Goodfellas, Usual Suspects and Under Siege into something I called "3 Minutes of Pure Violence". Most of my teachers understood what I was going for. I wanted to show that the more movie violence you saw, the less shocked you would be by it. However, my maths teacher hated it. But I digress...


It's great how far technology has come where you can use your phone to record quality footage. I really enjoyed editing this short film together, finding scenes that match, using the blade option to splice frames off and playing with different sound effects and colour. Writing screenplays is fun but seeing it acted out is a great way of finding out what works and what doesn't.


This has given me the confidence to move forward and tackle some of the other short scripts I have written. Besides, what's better than working with friends and family on the weekend making horror films and having a bit of a laugh?

David Fincher Makes The Inside Of Fridges Look Real Pretty

I watched Gone Girl last night. After reading the book and then finding out David Fincher was directing it - I became almost obsessive about all details of the film from who was starring it to imagining what certain bits in the book would look like on the big screen. 


There was no need to be obsessive about it. In the hands of David Fincher, the film looks amazing and is amazing.


I came across this interesting video from Tony Zhou about David Fincher's style of directing and its absolutely fascinating. As I'm about to direct my first short film this weekend (it's only a 15 second horror for a film competition), this analytical look at David Fincher's directing nuances and preferences has really helped me in storyboarding the short film I will be shooting.


So here's how you can make your film more Fincher-esque? Or Finchify your film? Finchification!

The Sweatiest Films Ever Made

Remember that episode of Cheers where the barfly characters discuss what is the sweatiest film ever made? I was watching Crimson Tide and realised just how everyone sweats in that film. It got me thinking and below is my run-down of the films where sweat is an integral part of the scene or film. Let's begin...


TOP GUN (1986) Director: Tony Scott

Sweating at inappropriate moments can be embarrassing. It's even more embarrassing when someone points out that your perspiration smells, which is what Maverick (Tom Cruise) does in a scene from Top Gun. Maverick has been cocky from the offset and in a film where dude sweat permeates from the walls, the beach volleyball scene and inside cockpits, it's a tiny moment in a classroom where he faces off Slider, whose trying to bait him out with a toy plane. Maverick moves in close like a lion sensing a kill and sniffs. His riposte? "Slider. You stink!" Schoolboy humour is always immature. But like Mum jokes, it's very effective. 


BRIDEMAIDS (2011) Director: Paul Feig

When people lie, sweating is usually one of the tell-tale signs they're telling porkies. Food poisoning can also bring out the sweats. Combine the two and you've got a recipe for some grade-A sweating, as Annie (Kristen Wiig) experiences in a very funny scene from Bridemaids. Having taken the gang to a Brazilian meat joint, the ladies are now trying on dresses for the big day. But the grey meat from the Brazilian decides to rear its head. Whilst the others bulldoze their way into the pristine toilet, Annie wants to save face in front of chief antagonist, Helen (Rose Bryne). Annie refuses to believe it's the Brazilian food but realises this could spell disaster for her relationship with best friend, bride-to-be Lillian (Maya Ruldoph). Annie even claims she could eat a snack if one was available. As Helen offers her a jordan almond, the camera cuts back to Annie as she visibly feels the effects of the lamb meat. A trickle of sweat rolls off her wet hair and the sweat implicates her guiltiness on both counts. She has got food poisoning and she definitely doesn't want that almond.


THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS (1983) Director: Carl Reiner

Steve Martin plays brilliant brain surgeon Dr. Hfuhruhurr (take that spell-check!). It's a throwaway gag in a film which is jam-packed with them. It takes place during his revolutionary new brain surgical procedure - The Cranial Screw Top Method. Dolores Benedict (Kathleen Turner) is his very hot patient. During the surgery, Dr. Hfuhruhurr orders a number of medical devices to help him save this gold-diggers' life including scalpels and scissors. Feeling this is too easy and needs to add some tension to the procedure, Hfuhruhurr barks at his nurse: "Some sweat on my upper lip". She dabs some on with wool. Nano-seconds later: "Remove sweat". She duly obliges. The sweat has done its job. I miss these kind of screwball, spoof comedies from the 1980's.


TRANSFORMERS (or any Michael Bay film)

This is a bit of a cop-out but as night follows day, every film with Bayhem needs its sweat. Bad Boys had Will Smith running shirtless through the streets of Miami; The Rock has Nic Cage perspiring on Alcatraz and Ben Affleck went on record saying on the set of Armageddon that on the hour, every hour, a make-up lackey would slather the cast in a sheen to give them that sweaty look between takes. But the zenith has to be the scene in Transformers which didn't require any explosions or CGI 'bots lubricating. All it needed was Megan Fox bending down and arching her back, examining the specs of Bubblebee's engine. For a director who shows little restraint when it comes to flinging the camera about in circles or editing scenes so quickly, you think you've actually travelled back in time, Bay allows his camera to gently linger on Megan Fox's glowing mid-riff as she tells a frenzied Shia LaBoeuf about going faster. Bathed in golden tones, you'd think Bay sprayed St. Tropez on the lens. Megan Fox looks like an Amazonian princess sent from Heaven when really we know that most mechanics are greasy swindlers with high cholesterol.


AIRPLANE! (1980) Directors: Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and Jerry Zucker

The Citizen Kane of sweat scenes. I like to call it the Striker Sweat Waterfall.


DUMB AND DUMBER (1994) Directors: Peter and Bobby Farrelly

Another food-related sweat scene but this time containing chillies. Harry and Lloyd (Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey) have unwittingly evaded Italian henchman Joe Mentalino (Mike Starr) at every turn, making him believe these guys are a pair of real pros. How did they even know he had stomach ulcers, calling him the "Gas Man"? After the old 'broken down car' routine, Joe is confronted with possibly the dumbest pair of loveable imbeciles ever. Joe rests easy as taking care of these two numptys will be child's play now he knows what he's dealing with. But first, a pit stop at a roadside diner where a game of one-up-man-ship ends with Harry and Lloyd lacing Joe's burger with red-hot chillies. We know Joe has gastric problems and wait like kids who've just sent off a firework waiting for the eventual explosion. It starts with a cough, then the face turns red and finally sweat drips like a monsoon in India. What we don't expect is the boys feeding Joe the rat poison he planned to use on them. There's sweat on his upper lip when they give him mouth to mouth just to add further morbid hilarity to the scene. Should have stuck to Milk Of Magnesium.


RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981) Director: Steven Spielberg

A weather-related perspiring scene here. In the middle of the Egyptian desert, it's pretty hot. So everyone sweats. It's a given. But in Nepal, where temperatures dip below freezing, sweating can be tough. Unless you're Major Arnold Toht (Ronald Lacey) an evil Nazi goon intent on half-inching a medallion you know will make the Fuhrer happy. However, the medallion belongs to Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen) and she's not giving up without a fight. Toht asks her for information, she refuses. Toht claims there are other ways to extract information. He notices the fire is dying and after a few jabs, he brandishes the sharp poker stick glowing like the sun at its tip. Steven Spielberg allows us to see how hot it is by focusing on the sweat protruding from Toht's bald dome. I remember watching this scene as a kid and being genuinely terrified. This is a bad guy who will stop at nothing so sticking a red-hot poker stick in the face of a girl would seem natural to him. Big mistake: One crack of the whip and the stick is flying through the air, setting fire to the drinking den leading to a raucous dust-up. Indy's here to save the day.


TOTAL RECALL (1990) Director: Paul Verhoeven

Arnie's been blasting his way through Mars trying to make sense of his true identity. Some things make sense, like Melina (Rachel Ticotin). Others don't. Or is it all just a schizophrenic meltdown? Confronted by a creepy sounding doctor who convinces Arnie everything up until this point is him playing out the spy roleplay program he chose back at Rekall and really he's back on Earth strapped to a chair and this is all just a dream, Arnie's unsure. Then his wife, Lori (Sharon Stone), turns up acting the concerned homemaker rather than the nubile assassin she is. Maybe she is my wife? Maybe this is all a dream? It doesn't take a genius to work out Arnie's being sold a kipper...unless you're Arnie. He starts believing everything the doctor is saying and maybe taking the pill will send him back to Earth safely and not be lobotomised. The doctor tells him to take a pill that will end this nightmare. But then Arnie notices the sweat rolling down the doctors' cheek. I remember the first time I felt a bead of sweat roll down my cheek - it was during PE at school playing football. I felt a real sense of accomplishment feeling that sweat. Like I was turning into a man. We hit the showers afterwards. Unfortunately for the doctor, he gets hit with a bullet straight between the eyes. Arnie's not daft. If this is a dream, why is he sweating? Sweating can incriminate you on the spot and sometimes you don't need a jury to convict you...just Arnie with a smart one-liner to send off to your grave in humiliating fashion.


SEXY BEAST (2000) Director: Jonathan Glazer

Brits don't tend to fair well in hot weather conditions. We moan when it's too cold, we complain when it's too hot. Using the Underground during a heatwave is akin to stepping inside an oven with other turkeys ready to roast. Thankfully for Gary Dove (Ray Winstone), he's escaped the rat race for the sunnier climes of Costa Del Sol. He doesn't want to shuffle about London like a c*nt. He's enjoying the life...the food, hanging out with his wife, Deedee (Amanda Redman) and his best mate Aitch (Cavan Kendell). Then one night, Aitch gets a call from Don (Ben Kingsley). The mere mention of his name is met with deafening silence and controlled panic. Gary assures Deedee everything will be ok. Don arrives, courtesy of an airport pick-up by Aitch. Don is a timebomb. What will be the first thing he says? The script takes us for a loop by trumping our expectations. Don storms out of the car. "I need to change my shirt. I'm sweating like a c*nt!" It's funny, intimidating, scary and quite normal all at the same time. You would need to change your shirt after that car ride.


MISSION IMPOSSIBLE (1996) Director: Brian De Palma

Another film on this list involving Tom Cruise. He plays IMF super agent, Ethan Hunt, in quite possibly the best use of sweat in a film to really crank up the tension to an 11. We've seen it all up until this point: Emilio Estevez takes an early bath, as does the whole IMF team. Cruise has done his "You've never seen me very upset" routine and jumped away from an exploding fish tank. He's now assembled a rogue team of IMF misfits to do the Impossible - break into CIA HQ and retrieve a file. But how? We all know how this plays. He descends into the computer room through the air-vent on a rope held by Leon. As Cruise silently retrieves said file and readies to make his escape, Leon is attacked by a rat and lets go of the rope but catches it in time. Cruise is dangling mere centimetres away from the touch-sensitive floor. It's a scene mimicked by many films, TV shows and commercials ever since. But what follows is a lesson in suspense from Brian De Palma as Cruise isn't out of the woods yet. As he steadies himself, he notices a bead of sweat rolling down his glasses. Cruise watches, holding his breath. Then another bead of sweat trickles down the path of the first bead of sweat. Game over as it collects its sweat buddy and falls to the floor, only to be caught by Cruise by his hand, avoiding the whole of the CIA being alerted to their presence there. It's a masterclass in using sweat in one of De Palma's finest setpieces. Although, I always wondered where Cruise found the extra room to move his hand to intercept the sweat as he was only centimetres off the floor? And wouldn't moving his arm unbalance him too? Oh well.


HONOURABLE MENTION:

ARMED AND DANGEROUS (1986) Director: Mark L Lester

I haven't seen this film in years and can't even remember what it's about. I know is stars John Candy and Meg Ryan. It also stars Tiny, an ironic name if ever there was one as he's built about 7 foot high and could singlehandedly knock through Fort Knox with his fists. All I remember is a scene in a gym where John Candy comes to interrogate Tiny. Tiny's no snitch and refuses to give the information. He's also in a vulnerable position as he's bench-pressing some heavy weights. Candy gets the better of him and drops the weight on Tiny's chest, causing extreme pain. There's literally a paddling pool of sweat under his Adam's apple deep enough to take a toddler for a dip as he struggles with the weights. Candy gets the info he needed. Well done.

Star Trek Into Blindness!

I had the pleasure of watching Star Trek Into Darkness the other day. An enjoyable film with great set-pieces and good performances, especially from Simon Pegg. 

However, it got me thinking about the title of the film - Star Trek Into Darkness. Every sequel ever since Empire Strikes Back always goes for darkness in terms of mood, themes and maybe even killing off a main character. But halfway through STID, I had to put my sunglasses on because JJ Abrams insists on using the LENS FLARE effect in EVERY SINGLE SCENE!

He explained the use of LENS FLARE in the first Star Trek film to give it an epic feel but using it when Kirk is sitting in a bar?! 

What's so epic about drinking an intergalactic pint?

I personally can't wait for Star Wars. I imagine the LENS FLARE effect will go into epic, hyper-drive when Luke pulls out his lightsaber for the first time...

Movie Lessons #1 : The Departed

The teachers were wrong. Watching movies can make you street-wise and teach you life lessons not found in any text book. Here's some lessons learnt from watching Martin Scorsese's classic, The Departed...


Cranberry juice is a diuretic. Women drink it when they're on their period...

...although asking a man whose just ordered cranberry juice if he's on his period will result in your face getting smashed with a glass.

Calling an Indian man "Babu" is ok, even if it's not his real name.

It's perfectly normal to go to a porno cinema with a s*x toy and make weird noises.

Calling a man sitting at a bar an "IRA m*therf*cker" is a great ice-breaker.

Excessive use of mobile phones can get you in trouble.

Prostitutes like it when you throw mountains of illegal drugs at them.

Sometimes arresting a traitor will get you shot in the head.

If your wife is unfaithful, garrotting her is an easy way to avoid a messy divorce.

When it calls for it, breaking a man's arm cast to check for wires and then hitting his broken hand with a shoe is the only way to find out if he's a cop.

Irish people are impervious to psycho-analysis. Freud said it so it must be true.

The Boston police force has more leaks than the Iraqi navy.

Saying to a girl that you will stab someone in the heart with an ice-pick is a great pick-up line.

Selling micro-chips to Koreans who can then fire rockets up the ass of a camel is a bad thing...depending on whose side you're on.

Maybe The Departed is the best film in the world. Maybe it's not. Maybe go f*ck yourself!

I'm a Hustler, baby

The new trailer for David O Russell's film, American Hustle, hit the internet and it looks...juicy! Just like the decade it's set in, the feel is sleazy, sexy, gaudy and downright, low-down dirty.

I've always kept an eye on Russell's films ever since Three Kings. The Fighter is one of the best sports film of all time and I enjoyed Silver Linings Playbook.

So behold - Batman, Lois Lane, Mystique, Hawkeye and Face strutting around like it was 1975 in what clearly looks like a fun ride at the cinema when it comes out in December.

Immortal Kombat!

Tarsem Singh has always been a visionary director whose now finally broken into the mainstream directing Julia Roberts as the Wicked Witch, but I remember his first film with Jennifer Lopez and Vince Vaughn called The Cell...

This is his latest effort - it looks like the bonkers cousin of 300 partly because it is "FROM THE PRODUCERS OF 300!"

Looks decent enough and love the magic bow and arrow which magically makes arrows appear...or as darts legend, Bobby George would say...ARRAS!